1. Pick a TV show that you don't like
- (but watch anyway so that you are able mock it the next day with
your co-workers. In my case that would be...oh, Survivor or Roswell)
Go to http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com
and read their "snarky" review of it.
Revel in the snark. Feel superior. Feel part of the team.
2. Buy the action figures of the Buffy characters. Use a video
camera and create your own "stop-action" version of an episode you'd
like to see. If it worked for Gumby - it can work for you.
(note: If you decide to do a reworking of As You Were buy
at least *two* of the Riley action figures - these suckers melt
faster with a flame thrower, than you can even imagine. I know this
3. Use your Buffy trivia knowledge to help the community at large.
We all know *way* to much stuff about BtVS, so volunteer at a local
Old Folks Home. The people there love to get visitors and you can
chat all day, spouting theories on the next Big Bad and you will
usually get a smile and a, "That's nice, deary" from your audience.
4. Borrow a 4 year old child (if you have one of your own - more's
the better). Four-year-olds are happily chatty. Teach them to say
"You don't need a soul to be redeemed". Then proceed directly to
a church potluck or picnic and point them in the direction of the
nearest Priest or Pastor.
Watch the wackiness ensue.
5. Drive around town looking for Old Black Desoto's with tail fins.
When you find one attach a note to the antenna that says, "Come
home, my darling, deadly boy".
Sign it "Dru", "Your Black Goddess" or "Slayer", depending on your
6. Go to your local Butcher. Ask for a five-gallon drum of pig's
blood. Tell him your having a bunch of friends over. Make sure to
have the economy sized box of Wheatabix in your cart already, in
7. Call up a contractor and ask what the going rate is for tiding
up a crypt that has been blown up with hand grenades. Be specific.
8. Call the British consulate. Ask for directions to the Watcher
Headquarters, be persistent. Drop the name Quentin Travers if need
8. Go to a park or zoo to find a duck pond
(preferably near the Mutant Enemy offices).
Wait until the area is crowded, then proceed to have a long discussion
with the ducks about the dubious state of the Buffy/Angel ship.
Explain how it can never be the way it was and that all ducks need
to get a life and stop hanging on to the old archaic story lines.
9. Call up the local union office for Trolls. Check to see if Olaf
was actually registered as a Troll or as a Troll *God*. If it turns
out that Olaf was just a "Troll", jot a quick note to Buffy telling
her that she was really freakin' lucky - cause Anya was wrong.
10. * Drag a rocking chair out on to your porch in the early evening.
Dress yourself in a large brimmed hat and fringed shawl. Sit in
the chair and rock vigorously back and forth. As people pass by
point at them and exclaim, "Hey! You! Vampire! Get off-a my LAWN".
While waving a wooden stake.
(*with apologies to Ty King)