Headline: "End of Buffy Season Uncovered!"
9 March -- In a surprising revelation, a source has revealed the
top secret twist ending to season six of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".
Speaking on condition of anonymity, the source divulged key plot
points for the former hit series.
"Buffy was never resurrected to her correct dimension," disclosed
the source. "She's been living in an alternate world all season,
which is why the timeline has seemed wonky and the continuity appears
to be hanging by a thread. Time does not run the same way in that
dimension, it was meant to be a clue to the viewers that something
was amiss. As was the erratic behavior of the characters, which
is why they change so drastically from episode to episode and why
events from previous episodes are never resolved or discussed in
the episodes that come after. Those were practically anvils! The
viewers should have known!"
When pressed for more details, the source revealed that while Buffy
has been enduring the torture of this hell dimension, life has continued
without her in the "real" world. In the final episode of the season,
the misplaced Slayer makes her way home only to discover her friends
have moved on happily with their lives. Xander and Anya have married,
Willow and Tara never split up and are contentedly practicing magic
together without fear of wacky addictions, and in the biggest surprise
of all, lovesick vampire Spike and former Watcher Giles have finally
admitted their deep attraction for one another and have set up a
household to care for Buffy's sister, Honor Roll student Dawn Summers.
When contacted about this information, Mutant Enemy Productions
refused to discuss the rumor, but added that a series special is
currently in the works to air after the season finale. In an effort
to alleviate the confusion caused by the season six story arc, Executive
Producers Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon will tape an hour long explanation
of the plot, complete with flowcharts and a small puppet show. Staff
Writer Doug Petrie plans to appear as well, but will simply be on
hand to display his impressive comic book collection.
In other news, a crazed fan of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was recently
taken into custody and charged with kidnapping after having been
found in a locked room with a vial of thiopental sodium, a tape
recorder, and several missing members of the Mutant Enemy writing
and production staff.
"But it was my wish! I wished it!" She reportedly screamed as she
was led away from the scene.