The Myth: Spike is abusing Buffy
This page based on input from Ivytree, Chen, Lisa, Mistral, Melissa.
Spike said "Leave my crypt" and Buffy didn't, in both
Once More With Feeling and in Gone.
Buffy has all the power in this relationship, both physically and
psychologically. She abused Spike through seasons 4 and 5 (occasionally
aided by Riley), when he was unable to strike back. In Season 5,
the Glory arc has already demonstrated that Buffy is far stronger
than Spike, physically. He spent almost all of Season 5 completely
whipped by Buffy!love.
Quoting Drew Greenberg (BtVS writer) on The
And was it supposed to be a specifically a physically abusive
relationship? Buffy? Super strong? Hello! She may be a girl, but
I don't like it when people just assume that because she's a girl
that means that she's weak. In fact, this happens to be a character
who has super strength and she's super strong and when Spike hits
her, it's a little bit different. It's like hitting Superman.
It's a little bit different. So if you're going to look at it
literally, literally, then you have to keep in mind that this
is not a girl who's being hurt by being hit. So, you have to look
at it like that. Now, do I think physical violence is right? No,
of course not. It's wrong. Is it a metaphor for the emotional
pain that both of them are in? Yes, of course. It's definitely
supposed to be about the back and forth between them and the taunting
and the adversarial relationship.
On a sexual level, through Gone, Buffy initiated all of
the sexual activity, including kissing. Even in Double Meat Palace,
she went after him; it's only in Dead Things that Spike begins
to feel confident enough to initiate sex.
Buffy's agenda of a secret sexual relationship is taking precedence
over Spike's desire for an open, romantic relationship. This has
led (in Gone) to Spike's taking verbal abuse from Xander
that he could refute if he made the relationship public. He is clearly
unhappy with Xander's leaping to conclusions about what he was doing
in his bed (naked pushups - yeah right), yet he respects Buffy's
decision to keep the relationship secret, even while she taunts
Spike wants to talk out their differences, but Buffy gives him
the passive-aggressive silent treatment.
Spike has never once tried to bite Buffy, even while she slept
next to him, and even while she wore the handcuffs in their sex
When Buffy beat Spike up in Dead Things, after his initial
attempt to stop her from going to the Police he never once lifted
a hand to her. Not once, while she turned his face into hamburger.
In short, Buffy gets what Buffy wants, and Spike makes do. IF either
one of them is an abuser, it's Buffy.